lice girl

*Written by Ashley Lorson, my roommate. She's a genius.

“Ma’am, you have LICE!” exclaimed my kinder students, who are severly contaminated as well. My jaw dropped as if I had seen a ghost. “The students are so giving. They even share their lice,” texted Tim de la Torre when I requested kerosene to terminate my lice and my dog’s fleas. After Joy Adalaon, my co-worker and roomy, applied my de-lice-ification treatment, I smelt like kerosene for days and carefully avoided direct contact with open flames. The kerosene treatment worked, but our success was short lived. Weeks later, Racquel, a seventeen year old student, shattered my hopes with another lice discovery.

You might think that by this time I would have accepted my fate as lice girl, but I’m not a quitter. Instead, I went to the extreme. I lathered my scalp with my dog’s highly concentrated and pet friendly flea, tick, and LICE killing shampoo! “Why not?” I thought. It instructed the pet owner to massage Flea-Away Dog Shampoo for five or ten minutes before rinsing. Then for best result, apply Flea-Away Dog Powder after drying your pet to perfection. At first I pondered, “Hmm. Shall I or shall I not?” Then in an act of pure desperity, I clenched the white bottle. My thumb covered the logo of a happy puppy wearing a red bow collar. “Man, I should have got the dog powder too,” crossed my mind. “Oh well. I’ll just let it soak into my hair for half an hour,” I decided, which was a big mistake. I could not last even twenty minutes. My burning, itching scalp regretted this half-brained idea until the irritation subsided. Amazingly, it worked, and I now have a new found liceless confidence. I am keeping the shampoo in case of an emergency. Joy is also at great risk.

Weekly, I have my check ups with little Miss Lice-Detector. Risel is seven years old. During recess, she searched my scalp with the intensity of a person hunting the right wire to defuse a bomb. With her little hands filing through my hair, I asked her in Tagalog, “Mayroon itlog [Have egg]?” She replied in Tagalog, “No. I don’t have any, because my baby chicks are still to young to lay eggs.” She is precious!

When I told my family about my infestation, they teased that they might “accidentally” forget to meet me at the airport if I have lice in April! They do not want lice. It is okay though. I can count on my grandparents, Lenard and Carolyn Lorson, to get me, because I know they love me lice and all!

Update: The bad news is Ashley has lice once again. The good news is her parents will still be meeting her at the airport in April.